So you have seen astronauts aboard ISS eating, sleeping, running on treadmill, how they eat, cry, even how they pee and poop but why don’t we see them getting laid?

Okay, okay it will be bad to do with the coworkers but come on it’s a long time up there and it is basic human need. And I know you all have wondered at some point “hmm, how would they do it?”

Don’t worry we have got you. Today we will discuss why and how to do it in space. Let’s dive in.

Why do coitus in Space?

If you are wondering that I am a little pervert sitting on his couch all day wondering about how astronauts woo each other in space then you may be right but hey don’t judge me this quick. It is our nature to reproduce, like lion hunts, snakes hiss and dogs bark. It is in our genes to produce offspring and we know only natural method to do this is by sex.

And if this doesn’t seem enough reason to do coitus in space then let’s look at reasons why should one involve in sexual activities in micro-gravity.

1.It is necessary for interstellar/ interplanetary travels:

Slowly as our technology is progressing and we are on the way to become interplanetary civilization. This means we have to travel from Earth to Mars and beyond.

Journey to these planets takes from 3 months to several years. So we have to figure out how to make babies on the way.

Some of you may say “hey you don’t need to have sex to give birth to a baby, you can reproduce using IVF or test tube babies”.

 And I agree, you don’t need to do sex, but it is the only natural process by which we are producing new generations from many centuries. I think it will be better to stick to that process while going on interplanetary voyages.

If we want to become interstellar civilization, we have to travel light years of distances to reach potential new worlds. Even with the fastest ship it will take decades to arrive at any star system.

If we didn’t reproduce on the way, we will be carrying a lot of corpses and barely few alive to populate an entire civilization.

2.It is fun:

I don’t know how many of you have tried it but sex is amazing. It is great stress reliever and great activity to bond among each other.

Believe it or not, those long journeys can affect the passengers psychologically. Long time in cramped up spaces and traveling away from home, leaving everything behind can take huge toll on their health.

They need something to do. With all those experiments, workout routines and training going on, they need some fun time. And with all those fellow crew members things can get little romantic. After all it is what we are naturally programmed to do.

So if they decided to do some biological experiment with themselves, no one is there to stop them.

One way or another we have to figure out how to do sex in space, just like eating, peeing, pooping etc. sex is part of human routine and if you remove that, you have a bunch of androids roaming around.

Has it happened before?

Some of you guys maybe wondering how I know that it hasn’t already happened before. Yes you are right I don’t know. But hey who else knows, except the people that actually did that.

Do you know that NASA has policy that prohibits married couples from traveling on space missions together?

NASA’s official explanation for this regulation is that the presence of a married couple aboard a space mission could potentially become disturbing to the other astronauts. However, this regulation has been in place longer than any of the current administrators have been working at NASA, so it’s entirely possible that the current administrators may not know the origin of this regulation.  Sometimes the explanations for various rules and regulations that are presented to us by the spokespersons from various U.S. government agencies are in fact not the real explanation, so we really don’t know why the prohibition against married couples serving together on the same missions was enacted, to begin with, nor do we know why the rule has lasted into the 2nd decade of the 21st century.

But hey everything has exceptions and here comes bummer for NASA. On Space Shuttle Endeavor, STS-47 there was a couple. Astronauts Mark C. Lee and N. Jan Davis became first married couple to fly on the same space mission. Actually, while they were training they were unmarried so NASA had no clue. They married few weeks prior to their launch and NASA had no options left.

So in your face NASA!!

Now some of you have been thinking that if Government can’t do it, then why don’t private industries do this?

Lucky you there are some people who thinks just like us. In June 2015, Pornhub announced its plans to make the first pornographic film in space. But they were not able to gather funds. If funded, the film would have been slated for a 2016 release, following six months of training for the two performers and six person crew.

Gosh people just can’t appreciate a genuine effort for benefits of science.

Even if some brave couples wanted to engage in sexual intercourse in micro-gravity, there are some difficulties they have to face.

Difficulties in intercourse in micro-gravity:

Newton’s Laws:

Yes this is the same Newton that f*cked your middle school science grades. Once again Newton’s Laws are main hurdles on the way of successful intercourse.

According to Newton’s first law or law of inertia, every object opposes change into its motion. This means that if an object is in uniform motion then it will continue to stay in uniform motion.

This poses a problem regarding sexual activities one has to perform, it would be pretty difficult for physical contacts to happen. It would be hard for male to insert his reproductive appendage into its desired places. It will be very hard to maintain stable positions for both partners.

And to worsen things more, Newton’s third law is here. According to it “Every action has equal and opposite reaction.” So even if you were able to insert things into their desired places, one thrust and your partner will go flying away from you. Even with all your efforts and strong willpower, you will get frustrated.

Don’t worry we will not let you down. We have got a solution for you.

Solution: You will need straps and hooks. No I am not suggesting any BDMS positions to you guys. The straps and hooks will prevent you from flying away from each other.

There is a garment to ease your problems. 2suit is a garment designed to facilitate intimacy in weightless environments.

It has a large front flap that can be opened and attached to another 2suit via Velcro strips. It is also equipped with harnesses and straps to fasten to a stable surface.

But there’s one problem that needs more attention.

No boners in Space:

No you don’t become impotent as soon you reach micro-gravity environment but erectile dysfunction is the problem that will haunt your space sex fantasies.

Actually here on Earth, our bodies have evolved to counter effects of gravity. Whenever you get erection, your brain sends messages of arousal to the corpora cavernosa, the spongy tissue filled with blood vessels inside penis.

Here on earth, your heart doesn’t have to work more to transport blood to your penis as gravity does most of the work. So less blood flow means you will not be able to sustain erection.

This is real problem now how can you perform without the main artist. But don’t worry, every problem has a solution.

Solution: There is a simple solution, Viagra. Back here on the Earth, many people use Viagra to cure their erectile dysfunctions and same can be applied up there. Debate here is on the dosage required. As there are no published study on dosage required to cure no boner in micro-gravity, we are not sure how much pills are required.

Congratulations!! You are now able to do sex in micro-gravity. But are you prepared for the circumstances of little fun you had back there?

Yes I’m talking about pregnancy. More specifically pregnancy in space.

Pregnancy in Space

If you were active participant in the activities we discussed above, then chances are you are pregnant. You can get pregnant in space if you have sex. There is nothing stopping the sperms to fertilize the egg. If the cycles were right and both the partners were fertile then voila you guys are pregnant.

The problem arises for the new life developing in your womb. Absence of gravity and radiation from Cosmic rays can do a lot of damage to the baby.

Micro-gravity can affect the bone density of the baby. The astronauts aboard ISS suffer significant loss in the bone density during their time in space. That’s why they have to exercise much more than they did on earth.

But how can you compensate for the absence of gravity to the fetus. The fetus can’t develop bones and muscles, this means baby can barely survive his days out of the womb even the chances of miscarriage are pretty high.

Second problem arises due to radiation. Radiation environment in space is severe enough that it would prevent cells in the fetus from replicating. This means fetus will not grow beyond few cells.

Hey don’t get sad, what have I told you before? Every problem has a solution.

Solution for gravity problem:

There are some designs of the ships that can produce artificial gravity, how will they do it? There is short explanation, remember that experiment where a bucket of water is spun quickly so that water sticks to the bottom.

Same principle but on larger scale and produce artificial gravity. There are some conceptual ships like Cooper Station in Interstellar movie. If we are planning to make babies in space than we have to make a ship where they can grow naturally.

Solution for radiation problem:

However complex this problem may seem, there is a simple solution, SHIELD. No it’s not Strategic Homeland Intervention blah blah Division, the shield refers to the shielding which can prevent you from harmful radiation of Space. There are some special materials that can prevent you and all your fellow passengers (also those in wombs) from radiation. These materials like hydrogenated boron nitride nano-tubes can prove to be an ideal material needed for protections against GCRs (Galactic Cosmic Rays) and Solar rays.

With all those in mind, I can say that there is good chance that we will be able to the sex in the space.

Categories: MarsPost


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